I have a few books that I found really healing after Kale died. And I have a few I want to purchase but haven't yet. These books, as much as I love them, I haven't even finished them. Sometimes I just need to read a tiny bit of them to remind me that I'm not the only one who's gone through this. I mean, I know I'm not. I'm part of many support groups where people have lost their babies and are suffering. But something I feel like I am. Because not one experience is the same, and it's hard to fit it when you feel like your experience is so different. Or it's hard to FEEL like you fit in. And we're all in different stages of our grief, even years after the event.
So sometimes I need to just read a certain part of the book, just a chapter or two. In a way, it causes me to relive my experiences with Kale. The time I was pregnant with him, sitting in the ultrasound room when we got his diagnosis, preparing for his arrival, my labor, his birth, the time we spent with him, the time after he died. These are all moments I think about quite often, but reading books about others experiences reminds me of things I forgot. So much of my time with Kale blurs together. I hate that, but that's what life is like, right?
And then there's the books I want to read but haven't gotten around to getting them yet. One author in particular, Angie Smith from Bring the Rain. While I'm still going through the only book I have of her's, I want to read some of her other ones. I love that her writing comes from a Christian perspective. Believing that Kale is in heaven brings me a lot of peace usually, and it's truly helped me handle the past year and 1/2. Reading books written by someone who believes that too, and has felt the pain I'm feeling, is very helpful to my heart.