Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Capture Your Grief- Day 10

Day 10--Support

I have received support in so many places during this journey.  The best support, hands down, has been my husband Matthew.  I hear too many stories about marriages that are ripped apart when a child dies, and it breaks my heart.  And makes me so very grateful for my relationship with my husband.  I have been able to turn to him during all of it and not feel like I'm crazy for feeling a certain way, or reacting to something unexpected.  I know that at any time, I just can turn to him for a healing hug, or when I break down he knows he doesn't have to try to say something to 'make me feel better', because he knows it won't make a difference.  He helps me realize that when people say insensitive things that their intentions are probably good, they just don't know what to say, or realize that it could hurt (note: never start a sentence with "At least"). It helps me so much to have someone by my side who understands exactly what I'm going through, because he went through the exact same thing I went through.

I have also received support from so many family and friends.  They acknowledge Kale, and talk about Kale, which means the world to me.  They've let me share stories about him, even if they've heard them all before.  They've donated to the causes we've participated in his memory, giving me flannel to make bereavement items, or buying a tshirt for our Running With Angels event, joining with us as we do things to remember him.

And yes, we've also received a lack of support from people as well, which is hurtful at times, but I try my best to overlook the pain it can bring, and focus on those who genuinely support and care about us and Kale.  It's not always easy, and it is certainly painful, but I realize I can't let myself be affected by others that way.  I need to surround myself with those who will buoy me up.  And it helps.

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