Sunday, January 18, 2009

one year ago today. . .

. . .I was sitting in the hospital after giving birth to my sweet baby girl. She came three weeks early, as a surprise. It snowed that day, beautiful white flecks of snow. I don't think I slept that whole day, no matter how tired I was. I just wanted to hold her and stare at her perfect features. I couldn't believe that she was here, she was part of our family, and I couldn't believe we lived without her as part of it.

one year ago today, I started worrying about every little detail that occured. If she was too warm, too cold, hungry, or tired. I created crazy, out of this world scenarios that wouldn't ever really occur, but I worried about those too. I had this new little baby, who depended solely on me for survival, and I was afraid I would fail her.

one year ago today, I never knew the amount of sleep i would lose and still be able to function just fine. I knew she'd get up during the night, but i thought I could take naps when she napped all the time. I never knew that losing sleep was perfect because I could comfort her when she needed it. Although I would still like to be able to sleep through the night someday. . . .

one year ago today, I envisioned how she would never wear pink, but I would keep cute bows and head-bands in her hair. I thought greens and yellows and purples would be great, because all the other girls wear pink, and MY girl was not like 'all the other girls'. She is special. She is different. She is unique, and she stands out in a crowd.

Today, she wears the pinks, and doesn't keep the cute bows and head-bands in her hair. She wears the greens and yellows and purples too though, and she is special. She is not like 'all the other girls'. She is unique.

One year ago today, I was imagining her future. I was imagining what type of little girl she'd be, what her favorite color would be, whether or not she'd like dogs. I imagined where she'd go to school, what her favorite subject would be. I imagined that she'd be a confident young lady, sure of herself and her abilities. She'd be a young woman who wouldn't allow others to dictate her life and her choices. I imagined her getting married, having a family of her own to raise, and coming to me to help her in the hard parenting decisions.

One year ago today, I wanted nothing more than to give my baby girl everything she could ever want in life. To be the greatest mother she could ever imagine having. To be her best friend, and sole confidante. To be the one she wanted to be with when the world ganged up against her, or when she would just fall over and skin her knees. The one she'd call her best friend. I wanted to raise her in a home that she'd rather spend time at instead of a mall. To give her a safe haven from the world. She's one year old today, and I don't know how this year went by so fast. look at how she's grown already with the comparison of matt's hand! As she grows I can only hope I can be the mom she needs me to be!

Happy birthday Katryn Llewellyn. Your mamma loves you.

1 comment:

  1. From me too!! Happy Birthday Katryn!!