Sunday, October 02, 2005

start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane

Group: Switchfoot
Title: Stars
(Yup, still lovin' it)

I was finally able to let go and just say "Ok, I'm good" yesterday. sometimes work is just too much for me, and the girls I work with have too much drama. I did get a bonus, because my boss thinks I'm the only one that knows how to do anything, and will actually do what I'm supposed to (I konw this is catagorizing kids just out of HS, but these two don't have a work ethic, just want money for doing hardly anything, and then they wonder why they don't get raises. . .)

I've had this need to get out lately, to really just get out and just breathe, and let go of everything pent up inside of me. Rock canyon, the Kitchen climb, on the first try, 5 minutes. It was absolutely wonderful. And I only bled on the rocks a little bit :) I haven't climbed since school started. I felt so good, and was able to calm myself down, and put aside the worries I've had going on inside of me.

after priesthood session, we went back out with our headlamps and flashlights and climbed red slab. I haven't felt like this is a while, zeroed in on the climb itself, how the rock was feeling, and not just looking for a place to move up. This is why I climb, not because it's hard core, or because it's trendy (although in happy valley, it really is trendy). I climb because it makes me feel, it causes me to focus and not worry about whatever else is going on the world. I don't care that they're trying to set me up with stew or that I still can't get boy out of my mind, or that I have a spanish paper I really should be working on. I let go of everything destroying me inside and hold on to rock, because that's something tangible, something I have control over, where I can decide what will come next, if I'm going to fall, or move up. I have a say over this part of my life. I may not be able to do anything about everything else coming at me from all angles, but I can voice my opinion on the crag.

and then I can take a look at everything and realize it's not as important as i make it out to be, I'm doing the best I can and that's what's important. I had forgotten how much the outdoors do for me, and this is what living like this does

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