Friday, September 30, 2005

When I look at the stars, I feel like myself

Group: Switchfoot
Title: Stars
(this is currently my fav song)

I'm a little frustrated right now, and I hate it. I can't get boy out of my head, and it's really driving me crazy because there is nothing I can do to alter the situation any, and I'm feeling it highly unlikely that he has any interest in me. *growls*

I need to get out and do something, I need to go slacking, or climbing, or take a hike. I went up to sundance last friday, and that made me feel good, and calmed me down quite a bit. that's what I need. Let's just say it's a good thing conference is this weekend, because I could use some serious guidence. I wish I would've prepared more for it, actually picked problems I'm struggling with trying to find a way to solve them, and then prayed for the answers to come while I listen to conf. But at the same time, I'm not even sure what problems I have. I'm trying to find out what it is the Lord wants me to do. I already know what I want to do, but is it what I'm supposed to do? I want a kick in the pants to get me going in the right direction!!

I would say my biggest concern right now is when I'm going to find someone who wants to date me. I'm not one of those girls that has that need to always be with someone, I never have been. I had a friend say "You have to be ok alone before you can be ok in a relationship" and I concur completely. But I feel like I've reached that point in my life but I don't know what to do about it, and that's where it gets hard.

and what about graduate school? I finish with my bacholors this december, and then it's kinda like "hmmm, what to do with myself, besides write like the madwoman I am, and work some place to pay the bills" but I don't know if I have the brains or strength to make it through graduate school. And if so. . .where do I go? my two choices are the U or the Y (currently)

and a place to live? I can't live at home because I'm a big kid dangit, but I have my pup to take care, and I don't know what to do about her. *sighs* I give up, I don't care about anything, it takes too much work, and I've about had it with worrying and trying. this is what living like this does

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