Sunday, August 21, 2005

You can tell me how you just don't fit in. . .and how you're gonna be something

My ward had an activity this past week, that I was unable to attend due to work circumstances. And today at church everyone's talking about how much they got to know everyone and how close they all are now and I'm sitting here thinking "Hmm, I really have hardly any friends in this ward, and I missed the big bonding activity that they'll be talking about for months on end. Isn't this peachy, I'm not going to fit in very well now am I"
I wouldn't say I'm a very shy person, but I'm not a very bold person either. I'm usually not one to make the first move (because it usually gets shot down) and I'm scared of rejection so I don't go out of my way. I have a hard enough time fitting in with people because I'm not one to conform. I know what type of person I am, and I'm not going to change that.
I used to be ok with not fitting in, wait, I take that back, I am ok with not fitting in, because I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to be Rock flower. I want to be the girl who will call you out if you're being stupid, and will tell you how it is without sugar coating it for you. Maybe that's not typical girl nature, but dang it, I don't want to be typical. I want to stand out in a crowd. and not just by my looks (which in all actually, I don't stand out that way, I'm just a typical t-shirt and jeans gal).
But alas, I live in Happy Valley, where it's hard to stand out, and even harder to not fit in, because (this is my opinion) people are insecure with themselves, and therefore will judge others harsher. but right now, that's not a concern for me, because I'm ok with not fitting in, and I'm getting used to only have a few friends (good thing I have a puppy and a great family)
Y'know what though? I just do what I love and don't care. I have plans for my life, and I'm going to work to get there. My name will be known, and maybe it won't be a common household name (although that would be cool) but enough people will know it and they'll say "hey, she's good at what she does, and not that many people are like her" and it'll be great.
But for now, I'm going to not fit in, and go on about my merry way, being me, and not a people-pleaser for others. And I imagine I'll make a few people angry, but I won't be worried, because I'm comfortable being who I am, and in 10 years when I'm still cruising along my merry way, being who I am, and who I like to be, I'll just sit back and say "this is what living like this does"

No comments:

Post a Comment