Friday, August 19, 2005

Why worry? I wonder all the time. . . .

Why worry? Although I feel like I have no friends, I decided it's nothing to worry about. there's still enough going for me that I'll be ok. Ok, I do have some friends, but we all have to play this game "we can only invite Captain Jax or Rock Flower, we can't invite both, because it's too wierd and awkward for them" I don't want to have to choose when and where I hang out with my friends, and i don't want them to have to play games "Well, we need to know if you want to do something or not and you have to be commited before we tell you where"
Maybe I just need a new circle of friends. Asmond, if you're reading this, we need to hang out a lot when you come home, because I've got to get a new cirlce of friends. I imagine I'll keep a few of the other ones, but overall, I hate not having a life, I want people to hang out with in the evenings that call me up and say "Hey! you rock and I want to spend time with you". that's what I'm looking for.
so I'm anxious for the school year to start, because then I can make a ton of friends and it'll be awesome. arg, I'm frustrated right now though because I'm sick of being bored out of my mind!! But why do I worry about it? it's something that goes through me all the time, wondering if I'll have anything to do. I feel a little like a high school drop-out that got knocked up (wait, I'll explain why) because I have a puppy I have to take care of, the sweetest punk of a puppy, and it's like having a little kid, because I have to play with her a lot, and make sure someone's around before I take off, or that she's be let outside to pee before I put her back inside. so some of my friends just don't call anymore because they know I'll say "I have to take care of Indy first and then yeah" and well, we're all impatient people.
yet I try to forget about it, and just live moment by moment and enjoy myself, only to hear that everyone was hanging out at Captain Jax's the night before, and I was sitting at home by myself, wanting to do something so bad. I hate being lonely, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. And this is what living like this does.

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