Wednesday, August 24, 2005

it's so complicated. . .I'm so frustrated

sooo. . .I've been kinda writing a kid for the past few months (by kinda I mean we've exchanged like 3 letters and chatted online for a little bit once or twice) and it's a whole wierd situation behind us writing, because captain jax kinda set us up, and I've met the kid once, but i don't remember it at all. so it's not as if I'm writing some random kid. (but at the same time. . .I kinda am. . .)
but the reason it's so complicated is because he's captain jax's friend, I'm his ex, and it's like this twisted setup thing. . .and this kid, let's call him Ender for now. . .not that he's like The Ender, but anyway. . .Ender has kinda almost seemed to avoid me and I don't blame him, it's an awkward situation, and I'd be really hesitent if I didn't know captain jax the way I do. I'm still slightly hesitent, but I've reached the point where I'm living for myself and Christ, so I'm not as worried as I would normally be because no matter what could happen, as long as I'm still rightous the Lord will take care of me.
so Ender kind of avoids me it seems, I sign into msn and he signs out if he's on, or he signs in and sees I'm on and is off real quick. I could be reading into this, but isn't that just a typical girl for you? *grrr* I hate being like that and i try to avoid it as much as I can, but sometimes it just comes.
after 2 weeks of not recieving an email from him, and having talked to him online a bit in these 2 weeks, so I know he got my email, I emailed him and told him that we need to work on his writing skills, because they're lacking greatly. but I was my friendly self and also told him about my car troubles, how things were going with me and asked him about work and school. Then I did something that i was really unsure of about, but had been toying with the idea in my mind for a bit. I told him (and I quote from my e-mail) "anyway, I just thought I'd drop you a line. I hope you don't think I'm wierd, I'm just friendly. I imagine after talking with captain jax, it's a little wierd talking with me, but please understand that I'm not some desperate girl. I am looking for friends, so you don't have to be freaked out by me, I promise (and I'm not creepy). but at the same time, I don't take things that captain jax says lightly, especially when there's something spiritual about them, so yeah."
so yeah indeed. . .and he did email me back and apologized and gave me his cell phone number (!!!!!!) which I'm not quite sure what to do with yet. . .what is it about boys that just make girls read into things too much and worry about everything involved in the 'relationship' or whatever it is. . .for some reason it's so complicated, yet not at all. I don't even know the kid *sigh*
and the girls at work are under this wierd impression that there are guys coming at me from all sides and I'm beating them off with sticks. Thank heavens that's not true! I've really got to stop mentioning to them about the boys in my life, especially those ones that I could never date in a million years that I spend time with. *growls* this is why I get so frustrated and dang it! this is what living like this does!!!

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