Friday, August 26, 2005

I slip another smile in your pocket

I carry a little felt heart around with me in my pocket. no one really understands why I do it, but it's important to me. A few years ago in young women's (it was probably around 5 years ago. . .) my advisor gave us all a cute li'l poem and the heart. The poem has since been lost, but the concept behind it hit me hard and I still remember it. it was something about how when you feel like no one loves you and you are lonely just take this feely heart and remember that someone does love more than you even know (Kinda like that song "you're not alone"). so i started carrying my feely heart in the pocket of my pants everywhere I went, every single day. it has had it's fair share of washings, since I sometimes (ok, more often than not) forget to check my pockets before I wash clothes.
But I still to this day carry it with me, almost like a good luck charm. I remember reaching into my pocket a few months ago, when I needed it the most and not finding it, not knowing where it was, and praying that captain jax didn't have it, since I sometimes gave it to him while I was away at school, or when I was in another state/country, so he could have that same reminder as i got everytime I touched it. and as much as I would give it to him at anytime, this was not the time I wanted him to have, because (feeling selfish) I needed my feely heart and I hated not having it with me. I didn't know how long it had been since I had it, and I missed it.
in July my mom and sister came back home (they live in New Mexico all summer) and the day they left, I came into the house to find a note from my mom and my feely heart sitting on the counter. she didn't say where she found it, but that she loved me and that she hoped work went well. she knows how important my feely heart is to me, and how I panic when i can't find it. It was wonderful seeing it sitting there from my mom.
it's like a smile in my pocket, and when I toy with it when I'm nervous or hurt, or frustrated, I really do feel the love of Christ and my Heavenly Father, and I know they're looking out for me and will take care of me. After 5 years of carrying it around with me, I don't tire of it, and it's still very important to me. It makes me feel better, and this is what living like this does.

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