Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Her world has changed, she asks God why

I feel like I'm stuck in a moment sometimes, as if my life isn't going anywhere, like I've been in the same place for the past 5 years or so. And I know that isn't very long, but it's starting to get annoying. I went to go get everything taken care of for school today, since it's starts tomorrow, and there were lines everywhere! at my last univeristy, there were hardly any lines, and I knew what each of the lines meant. At this new school there's nothing to tell you what you're standing in line for. "one stop!" is what it says, so I assume that I can get my bus pass, and a new id sticker, which is all I need anyway, but I can't!! so I waste 1/2 an hour in a line claiming to be one stop that wouldn't help me anyway! stupid.
I graduate from college in one semester. and then what am I going to do with myself? I haven't the foggiest. I feel like I haven't moved forward that much in the past 3 years since high school. I almost wonder if I even have changed that much. I don't know. Sure I've had new experiences, and probably became a little tainted by some of them, but in all actually has my world changed that much? and would I be opposed to it? there have been big events, but overall I wouldn't say my world has changed.
I think i would like it if it did. I think I almost want something huge to happen, not something bad, that happened a year and 1/2 ago when my mom had cancer. I don't want something like that. I feel as if I'm standing on the edge of something important, just waiting for something or someone to push me off into it, because I can't do it myself. I want the next part of my life to start but there's really nothing I can do about it and it's frustrating. It's almost a limbo land area. I'm not quite there, but I'm not quite here anymore either and it's getting annoying. I want to be in one place, preferrably there, because I'm bored with here.
This is what living like this does.

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